College Is Hard

“There’s going to be so much opportunity for you in Louisville! You’re going to have so much fun and meet all kinds of people!” Oh yay! I know, right? This was what everyone was saying when I told them that I was moving to Louisville, KY and transferring to the University of Louisville. My friends were all excited for me, and I was excited for myself!

I quit my job at a very large and popular retail store (10 guesses which one) and found an apartment almost as soon as my acceptance letter came in. I’ve never quit working somewhere without finding another job first. I had savings, so I figured I had time. Moving was very expensive, but that’s okay. It’s fine. It’s all for my English degree, so it’s all worth it in the long run. So what if I don’t know what exactly I want to do with my English degree, yet? At least I’ll have a degree. RIGHT?

I found a job at another large retail store with the same company name as my previous job, and all was theoretically perfect. I could work at this store just like I did the other one and continue going to college. The only catch is that it takes an hour to get there from my apartment on the bus. There’s also no way I’d be able to go to work and then right to class, because again, it’s one hour away from my apartment, and about an hour and fifteen minutes from campus. I don’t drive. Also, I HATE IT THERE!

“There’s not any shame in quitting a job if you don’t like it.” Yes, thank you. That’s what I thought, too. I’ve already put in my two weeks notice. I’m finding something else. I’m covered for rent in July, I’ll just have to make sure I find something that will work around my class schedule, which I don’t have yet until the second week in July. Also, my time in Louisville is very limited over these next few weeks because I have to go to Washington DC to see my boyfriend. I REALLY WANT TO GO SEE HIM!

So I need a job, not right now but in July because I won’t be here because long-distance relationship, and they have to agree to work around my class schedule that I don’t have yet. And I need rent for August. And phone bill money. Oh, and food. Oh, and I don’t know when my financial aid gets disbursed. Oh and I’m going to go completely insane!

I’ve never really been on my own before. This is the first time. People ask me how it is, and I tell them it’s fine. I mean, it is fine… It’s just also scary as hell. What if I can’t find a job to replace the one I emo quit before rent is due in August? Who knows when I’ll even get my first paycheck. The scariest part is, there’s really no one who can even bale me out. Not since grandmother passed last July. I’m 27 and this is quite literally the first time I’ve been on my own, ever, with no backup options.

But… I’ll be fine. I’m sure I’ll find a job that will be relevant to my major, that will totes work around my complicated schedule, and pay me enough to pay my rent in August, continue to work around my class schedule and study time because my classes are getting harder, and work around whatever else I end up needing time off of work for, because I have to be an active student and engage in the campus community and network and, blah! After all, there’s so much opportunity here, right? So, when does all of the opportunity come to fruition? Oh, ok. I’ll wait.

I’ll even apply to jobs that I think are cool but probably not get, like the part-time receptionist position at the local news station. There’s also a temporary position at a government building downtown. There are a few entry-level positions at big insurance companies and law-firms. I’m an English major. I can read and write and file stuff! Here’s my resume! Yes, I actually created a resume for you. No, I don’t have anything worth a damn to put on it because I waited forever to go to college, but here it is anyway! Initiative! Hire me!

College is hard, and I’m really feeling it today. It’s not even the classes that are the hardest part. I hate that the company I’ve been working at for 3 years isn’t going to work out for me through college like I’d planned. I’m super appreciative that my managers worked around my classes for the last two years at my previous location, which is something that apparently a lot of companies that pay enough money to live on don’t want to do these days. I also hate the fact that I still really haven’t met anybody that seems to give a hoot about being friends with me here. Socializing takes time though, I guess, and all I’ve really had time to do since I’ve been here is work before the semester starts. I also hate that I when I see that hot guy running down the street I feel ugly and want to run back to my apartment and hide. Also, I miss soda. I bought a 2-liter today and drank it. Now I feel fat.

I was asked today, “What is my ultimate goal?” I don’t know what exactly I want to do. I’m open to a lot of things. I LOVE the theatre. I LOVE writing. ALL KINDS OF WRITING! I’m no Mary Higgins Clark, but I think I can do it pretty well. Short stories, novels, plays, news reporting, blogging, but no poems! Okay, poems too. If I can’t make it in writing, I want to teach it. Or teach English literature. Or teach theatre. Or work behind a desk somewhere. Or, or, or. There’s always an “or”. I can get interested in almost anything. This is my problem. I am always wanting to learn something new, because I get bored with things sometimes. If I had to pick an ultimate goal, for now, it would be that I want to at least be able to tell people to go for their dreams, because I did and I was successful at it. Now, If you’ll all excuse me, I have to go apply at fast food restaurants now.

Why is my mouth open like that?
Why is my mouth open like that?

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Cindy

    Eric, take a breath. And then take another one. . . .and another one. . . It will all work out. It will all work out. You are a bright, articulate person with marketable skills and great sense of humor. Good things will come to you. Good things will come to you.

    1. Eric

      Thanks, Cindy! Yeah, it was just a stressful day. Haha. I’ve relaxed a bit and calmed down. **woosah**

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