But I really hate it. But I hate job hunting more.
After about a month of job hunting, I took the day job because it was the first job offered to me after I graduated. It’s full time and it has benefits and it’s work I have experience in. The problem is it’s just the kind of job that I decided to go to college to avoid having to do for the rest of my life. So now I really want to give my 2-weeks-notice. But I’m afraid, because, I don’t know, social anxiety, maybe?
I’ve never been officially diagnosed with anything, but I’ve struggled with problems like this for a very long time. It’s possible that it’s a very real problem. And if I don’t figure out a way to strike up the balls to give my 2-weeks notice, I’ll probably just end up quitting out of frustration, which would be bad, or just end up working there forever, which is way worse. Then I just keep thinking of all the job hunting, which I barely have time to do with my shift I work, my writing, my boyfriend being all weird about money, and my lit mag stuff.
Speaking of the lit mag stuff, it’s going pretty good.
Issue #2 of Likely Red was released on June 30th. And doing this lit mag stuff has gotten me interested in doing something similar to it, but for money. But I don’t know exactly what that would be. I could maybe get a job as an editor or a copy editor somewhere that pays. Or maybe doing social media. The thing is, I could English-major the hell out of my lit mag experience and use it for a bunch of job applications, but I don’t feel like an editor for a newspaper or a news website or a social media manager or anything. Except I am an editor and I should really just probably get the hell over it and apply for stuff because that’s how being an adult is.
I’m an adult, I have experience, and I’m a self-starter.
These are all the good things that I have going for me, the most important one being that I’m a self-starter. I know it’s important because most of the job postings I looked at all said they wanted someone who was a self-starter.
I self-start stuff all the time.
I started this blog. I started the lit mag. I write everyday because I want to. I started doing book reviews and all of that. The problem is I’m not good and ending things when it’s so clearly time to end them. Like the book reviews. That was an idea. I’m sure I’ll review books on here every so often after I read books that I really liked or hated. However, making book reviews the front-and-center of this blog wasn’t a good idea because I don’t have the time and I wont be doing them that often anyway. Plus the reviews lose that organic feel that I like when I didn’t read the book initially just to do a book review.
So no more book reviews. Unless I feel like doing a book review, and except for the one in November when that book comes out because I said I would. The post is ready, anyway.
And that’s usually the problem. I say I’ll do things and then I’ll do them, even after it’s clearly counter-productive to continue doing so.
With job hunting, it’s way worse. I’m a writer and I always need money. Like, always. And I’m loving being able to afford things now, but I’m miserable because writing is what’s important to me, not the being super comfortable with money or having a work-ethic. I’m actually a very lazy person and I hate doing work. I just want to write things and read things and network with writers. And as of right now, I like editing the lit mag and I want to keep doing that, too. But I don’t like the day job that’s too far for me to get to everyday and that ruins my sleeping schedule to the point to where I can’t get my writing and editing done.
I know most people will probably say that that’s being an adult. But, I didn’t go through the stress of college to continue to be stressed out about this awful job that I just really don’t like going to. And then some people will say that that’s exactly what I went to college for. I don’t really have a good comeback for that, yet.
So, I’m going to give my two-weeks-notice tomorrow.
I know that I didn’t even need to tell anyone this. It would have probably been better just to actually do it than to complain about my job online and then do it. I know that actions speak louder than words. A better blog post would have been that I quit my job because I hate it. That I listed everything I hated about it and then I tell you what I’m doing next. You want to know what I’m going to do next? Job hunt. And I’ll probably complain about it.
As far as the kind of job I want, that’s pretty open. I kind of want things to go back into a constant state of flux. 20-25 hours a week making a decent hourly wage. That would give me enough money to do what I need to do and still have time to write and edit, and pursue other writer-like and English-degree like projects. Then again, I also want a paying gig doing English-degree-like things for a place that makes words for people to read. So, I dunno. I suppose I could always just start my own thing that makes words for people to read that’s also a paying gig and keep doing my lit mag non-paying gig alongside of it. Or I could just start writing more essays and getting them posted in places because those tend to pay more than short fiction.
But what could I write essays about?
Well, if I could write them complaining about job hunting for a while, that would be ideal.
So how has your month been?
Seriously, leave me comments and stuff below and tell me how your month has been. It’ll help me out a lot. Also, I picked this up today from campus.
Update: called in sick.
Update 2: didn’t give notice because called in sick yesterday, and timing is everything.
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Also check out Likely Red, a literary magazine: likelyred.com